January 7, 2008

rough weekend

This weekend was kinda rough. Sometimes what we have decided to do is a tough pill to swallow. A lot of self doubt was swimming around my head. To add to it, Brooke was in New York for school this weekend, so I didn't have my usual conversation partner to work through it with. But our community meeting last night was really healing and encouraging to me. I felt the load was lighter after our meeting. It wasn't what we discussed as much as the presence of so many wonderful people in my life... I don't want what we have chosen to do to come across as though we think we're special. We don't feel that way. This actually has been quite a humbling decision. But just as I have baggage from Christendom so do many of our friends and family. I felt the weight of some of those people's baggage this weekend as they questioned our choices clearly in response to their previous experiences. I'm not looking for pity, the challenges to our decisions only makes us clarify and articulate better what our convictions are. While we feel a deep "calling" we also feel convicted to get out of the American rat race. We both want to raise our kids, not the system. We want to learn to live with less and be more deeply rooted and present to our kids and a particular geographical space. These are responses to a spiritual calling as much as it is a spiritual conviction about economic, political and social idols that we have within our culture that we want to live as a witness to, not complicit with. "Support raising" may not be a sustainable way to do that for the long haul but we do need the time and space we currently don't have working so much outside of our neighborhood to cultivate Another Way in this context in a manner we know is possible. In time, it will come. I'm still convinced this is the right thing to do. Even on my worrisome days.

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