April 9, 2006

starting over...

I've wanted to blog and not wanted to blog so often in the the last few days. At points it seemed the best thing to do. At other times, completly inapropriate. It looks like I've decided that it would be good to blog. My wife tells me I write better than I talk some times, especially if it has to do with things that are emotionally charged for me. I've had a very exhausting week within a month of seeing two comrads in the cause layed to rest. So... I guess that qualifies as emotionally charged.

I'm setting up a few new rules for myself though. And I am going to write them here to give those few that check this out permission to hold me to them. First, I don't want to write about personal, communal issues here before working through them with my community first. This relates to the fact that more and more, I feel that I am nothing without these people and I feel I owe it to them to give them first shot at helping me process stuff.

Secondly, I'd like my content (those posts that are not primarily internet sticky notes) to be driven more from my journaling and studying... which means I would need to do more of both.

So, that's that. I'm tired. This last weekend it was hard to look at Amy and Micah and not see Brooke and Paige. It was hard to look at the LP family and not see the Hawthorn House community. I feel terrible for thier loss more than my own. That said, it was an honor to be with them last weekend. It was encouraging and hopeful. They are brave and strong, even those that think they aren't. Brooke and I made a lot of new friends and I hope to have these for years to come.

Mark was a good man. He inspired me every time I talked with him. I'm trying to be more deliberate about applying the lessons he taught me in my life. I've clarified two primary things Mark taught me in conversation and in how he lived:

nurture of personal mission through spiritual formation
Palmer was committed to spiritual formation. He practiced spritual disciplines. He engaged in the historic spiritual practices enhanced by the christian calendar. He also was committed to living out the fruit of the Spirit. He was committed to the Sermon on the Mount as a way of life. He also longed for the spiritual gifts to rise up within himself and the LP communities. And I believe he did these things to clarify and enhance his mission in life, to embody the Gospel of the Kingdom.

nurture of community through nurturing personal relationships
Palmer developed community by developing people. I wish I could have the time he had throughout the day. Alas, I live in So.Cal. and I have to work full-time. But this is really only an excuse. The truth is, I envy the way Palmer valued people, saw potential and capacity in everyone and always could listen... I like to talk way too much. Mark developed a sense of community amongst those that called LP their church by helping all who participated to see their value within the community. By focusing on an individual that individual discovered their place at the table, as part of a family... I want to do that for my community.

That's all for now.

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