April 19, 2007

I have this terrible tendency of writing something very personal, and then regret it. I think I regret it because I sense the need to continue the honesty and frankness of a particular post. As if I have some sense of accountability to anyone that might read this. Some have asked how things have been since I posted a month or so ago on my life. But I've resisted to update things for a few reasons:

1) I write better than I talk. Or so Brooke has told me since I first met her. I used to write her these letters and she would exclaim, 'I had no idea!' Being thrust into a teaching role by my friend, Shawn-and I'm indebted to him for believing in me-when we were on staff at a church together has changed this. I'm a much better communicator than I ever was before that. But I still feel more comfortable writing about myself than speaking about myself.

But this can be a problem for the person who wants to be in community with others. And I don't want to pass onto my children my inability to speak about personal issues. So, I have often resisted writing as an outlet in order to force myself to better communicate how I feel to those I love.

Most recently, this has been really necessary. I could have just logged on and typed away. But it was more vital to try-as hard as it may be for me at times-to speak with people about what has been going on inside me. And I'm glad I chose to handle it this way.

2) I haven't a clue what's going on. As Brooke and I have talked with others, wiser than ourselves, about our current situation we have been asked what we think a solution might be. Our answer: we don't know. Neither of us feel prepared to provide a possible answer right now. The truth is that things are continuing to spin around us-more changes I mean-that we are not totally in control of. So, we feel as though we're in a bit of a 'holding pattern.' And that's not all that interesting to write about, isn't it. But things change daily around here, so maybe it won't be too long.

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