March 30, 2009

open letter...

An Open Letter to the Previous Owner of My House...

To Whomever It May Concern:

You are an idiot. Everything you ever did to these houses stretches the words "fix" or "repair" beyond anything reasonable. If you still own tools. Give them away or sell them. You don't need them. They are of no use to you.

I assume by most of your "handiwork" I have uncovered that you are on drugs. You really should check yourself into a rehab center. Not only is it a threat to you and those who love you, but you tend to create problems, immense problems for others... even after you've been long gone.

If you aren't on drugs I will give you one thing, you're creative. Whether it be structural, decorative, plumbing, or electrical it never makes sense, commonly leads to more problems, but it certainly is always unconventional and creative... although, I use that term loosely.

Lastly, I hope we do not ever meet. I believe in non-violence and from time to time call myself a pacifist. But upon meeting, I am certain to reflect on the incalculable cost and pain you have caused me, and I have no idea what I might do.

Thank you for your time.




Anonymous said...

After spending a good chunk of my weekend chipping wallpaper, which had been painted over, spray textured over, and re-painted over, I totally resonate with this letter. I'm guessing you had it worse. Sorry about that.

Unknown said...

I relate as we work on a facility built in the 50's by all volunteers! sometimes I wonder? what were you thinking? Of course I do not have to live in the building so my sympathy is with you

Anonymous said...

Hey Jason,
I think the guy who owned your house also managed the place I lived in up in North Park a few years ago - I woke up in the middle of the night all wet on one side and realized "hey, there's water bubbling out of our walls". The management company's solution, "let's just paint over it". 8 days later my room was under two inches of water (well, half the room, since the house wasn't level). The great part was when they wouldn't give us our full deposit back because they needed to 'paint and carpet clean' that area of the place.

Needless to say, I almost shat myself while laughing and reading your post. And now I sit in solidarity with you and your house.

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